the Secret of the Forest
by ProfessionalFangirl16
Summary: Finally, my muscles move. "Jace." I whisper, just before everything goes black. Full summary inside
1. Prologue

**Full summary: After Clary is thrown of a cliff by a demon, everyone thinks she is dead. But instead, Sebastian holds her captured and makes sure no one knows it. But what is Sebastian planning on doing to Clary? Why does he need her?**

 **So, I suddenly had inspiration for this and I wanted to write this. I know that I am still busy with Unexpected Guests, and don't worry, I almost have chapter eleven finished, so the next update will be soon. So, this is the prologue. I hope you enjoy!**

 **This is my first TMI fanfic, so I hope it turns out alright.**

CPOV

"Clary, NO! Clary!" Jace voice echo's while he stands at the top of the cliff, looking down on my lifeless body. I want to move, I want to scream his name back, I want to cry at the pain reeling through my score body. I want to do something, something to let him know that I'm alive, that I'm not dead. One thought flows through my body: I hate Sebastian.

I can see Jace stand, as he proceeds to call my name and beg for me to be alive. 'I am!' I want to scream. 'I'm alive!'. But my muscles won't move. I see Alec and Isabelle both appearing at a side of Jace, grabbing his arms and carefully leading him away from the cliff. I hear him cry.

I've never heard Jace cry.

Isabelle looks down at me one last time, and I see her eyes sparkle while big water droplets fall down. Her tears match the rain that is pouring down from the sky. She then turns around, and together with Alec she helps Jace to walk away from the height. Away from me.

Finally, my muscles move.

"Jace." I whisper, just before everything goes black.

 **Please let me know what you think. Would you read more? Do you want me to update this often?**


	2. The picture frame

**Finally! Yes, this is chapter one. I haven't taught of a name for the chapter yet, but I will put it up soon. I just wanted to update the chapter and hear what you guys think!**

 **So, I hope you like it. I think this is a pretty emotional chapter, but some in the future are getting much worse.**

 **And about the time it took to update, I'm sorry. I've had a busy time at school. I should be learning right now, but I wanted to finish this.**

 **So, enough of my rambling, read!**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine.**

CPOV

"Ah, dear sister, I see you finally decided to wake up." An all too familiar voice says. I can't see the owner, even though I regonise his voice. Everything is black. Wait, that must be because of my closed eyes.

I open them, but immediately regret that decision. Right above me is a white lamp, shining bright into my eyes. I close them, only to open them and blink a few times after that. When I regain some of my sight, I can see a silhouette of a person next to the bed I'm lying on. Wait, a bed? How did I get in a bed? Turning my head, I try to see the person clearer. And heel hatred flowing through me as soon as I regonise him.

Sebastian.

Even in my head the name sounds vile.

I try to get a clearer view of him, of anything in the room except the white light, but it is difficult. I blink a few more times, and finally I can see some more.

We are in a small room with grey walls. With 'we' I mean myself, Sebastian and some guy in black, standing next to the door. The door is a darker shade of grey than the rest of the room. The guy isn't a human. He's a demon. And I know which demon: He is the one that threw me of the cliff. My jaw clenses and I glare at him.

"Calm down, sweet sister. There is no need to be mad at Eric. He did what I ordered him." I turn my head towards him in anger.

"You ORDERED him to throw me off a cliff?" Sebastian shrugs.

"I did." I notice more of the room now: besides the simple bed I lie in there is a small desk and a chair, which Sebastian got to sit on. Besides that, the room is empty: there is nothing to lessen the dull, plain mood it represents. Even the smell is disgusting: it smells like iron. I don't know how I know how iron smells, I just do.

I lay back in the bed, because my muscles are still score. "Where are we?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Sebastian answers while he leans forward on his elbows. With his face so close, I have the sudden urge to punch him. The only reason I don't is because of Eric shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasy. Sebastian sees him too, he leans back and nods at the guy.

"You can go now, Eric. I want to talk to my sister alone, please." Eric gives him a polite, if that is even possible, nod. He walks away and closes the door behind him, but not before having growled at me.

"So, Clarissa, since you can't know where you are, I guess you want to know why you are here?"

I nod: I think that if I would open my mouth, I would vomit all over his face. Not that that would be so horrible.

"It's very funny, actually. I had this planned for months. Last week the right opportunity finally came."

"Last week?" Have I been out for so long?

"That is because of the poison we gave you. Anyway, I'll start with the beginning.

You were at that cliff, fighting Eric in his demon form. I suppose you don't remember everything clearly, the poison tends to do that. Eric stabbed you with his tail. The poison is very strange, but it was perfect for our plan.

When you get the poison, the first minutes there happens nothing. It usually takes about half an hour for it to work. But when something happens that has a huge impact on your body, the working quickens. It makes the victim look dead, while they still can hear, see, smell, hear and feel everything around them. Even their heartbeat slows down for a few minutes. After that they black out, mostly for around a week and a half. You woke up after a week: You've always been strong. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Now, WHY did I make your friends believe you were dead?" He waits a long time, making me desperate for an answer. He doesn't say anything, until I can't bear it anymore.

"Why did you do it?" He grins, knowing he won our little battle.

This is how normal siblings should act. Having little battles with each other, fighting about who is smarter. Being happy when they win, or annoyed when they don't. The only difference is that normal sibling's fights wouldn't be about the reason one poisoned the other. And making their friends believe they were dead.

"I did it because I need you to do something for me. Something that can only be done when your beloved Jace is heartbroken. And I know a way to make sure he is."

"Isn't he already?" I wonder. Sebastian grins.

"Not enough." He says. "And if you wonder how I will break his miserable heart even more, you will find out soon enough."

I swallow. "Why do you need Jace to be heartbroken?" He grins.

"To make him join me. I need him. I must admit, he is a good fighter."

A lump is stuck in my throat, and I don't care. He smiles at me knowingly, and in that second all I want is to claw his eyes out.

"Now, shall I show you your room?"

* * *

From the room I woke in, you must take two turns right, three left, one right and then it is the fifth door on the right. The rest of the building is, as far as I've seen it, the same as the room I woke up in. The walls are grey, the doors a little bit darker. It smells the same everywhere, that disgusting scent of iron. I don't know why I have this room: The interior is the same as that in the other one.

Eric showed me my room. He said that there was already a small suitcase with the most important stuff from home that I would need. Tomorrow, however, when everyone was away, I would go home to gather the rest of the things that I would need here. If you wonder where everyone was, they would be at my funeral. Well, FAKE funeral.

I already feel guilty: sneaking into someone's house to steal your things that lay there. Not to mention that they are away to your funeral. Or, your false funeral, but they didn't know that.

Ugh. I hate this.

While I'll have to take a few things from Jocelyn and Luke's house, most of my stuff is at the Lightwood's house. I know it will be painful to walk inside of there. All the memories of Jace, Isabelle and Alec… I don't know how much I can handle. I'm wondering how Jace is doing. Will he be okay, thinking that I'm dead?

Knowing him, he won't. At least, for now. In a few years, I hope he will be able to accept things.

Yes, a few years. I know Sebastian. He won't think Jace is heartbroken enough after a few months. It will be years before I will see Jace again.

If I ever will, that is.

Can I say I hate Sebastian again? Because if I can, it will be the only thing I will be saying for the rest of my life.

Sighing, I make my way over to the bed. It looks the same as the one I woke up in, except that this one has white blankets instead of grey ones. Sitting down, I unzip my suitcase and start to unpack the few things I already have with me. Some necessary clothes, only mundane ones. I don't have Shadowhunter clothes and I don't want to know who packed underwear for me. I also have a toothbrush and a hairbrush.

I sigh again and lay down, letting the darkness overtake me.

The next morning, I wake up, still lying on top of the blankets, in the same position I was in when I fell asleep. Rubbing my eyes, I sit up, trying to protect them from the bright light. This time it is coming from outside, not a lamp.

Deciding to change into other clothes, seeing I have worn these for a week, I get the first pair I see in my tiny wardrobe. A jeans and grey T-shirt. I'm not going to dress special for today.

Walking towards the door, I want to open it, but it doesn't move. I start to shake the knob, but it won't bulge.

"Hello? Is somebody out there? I want to get out of this room! Why is the door locked?"

I get no response, so I decide to try again.

"Hello? Anybody?" I yell. Why can't someone open the damn door?

Just as I start knocking again, the door flows open and my fist lands right on Eric's nose. I smirk . The bastard deserved it.

His hand flies to his nose, only to discover it is bleeding.

"Well, finally, it became about time." I say as calmly as I can manage, while trying to suppress the laughter at seeing his scowling face.

I march through the door, but as soon as I am in the hall, I realize I have no idea where to get food. And I'm hungry. And it's no good idea to be around me when I'm hungry and there is no food nearby.

The rolls are switched now: I am the scowling one, while Eric is grinning like mad.

"This way, miss." He says in a fake polite tone that friends would use to tease each other. Friends. Isabelle. Alec. Simon. Magnus. They were my friends. Not this horrible guy Eric.

Eric goes through a few halls, and I don't try to remember them like I did yesterday with the route to my room. After a while, we come by two big double doors. As Eric opens one for me, he motions for me to enter the room.

When I come inside, the room surprises me. While it shouldn't have.

The room is, you wouldn't guess, grey! The chairs are a darker grey and the shade of the tables is some more dark. And the few people sitting there are wearing, you can guess, GREY! Seriously, how much can one person hate a single color?

I didn't know it was possible, but a few seconds later I hated the color even more. Why?

The food, yes, the fucking FOOD even was grey. How the fuck am I expected to shove that grey stuff which apparently is food down my throat.

I choose something that seems to be bread and something that I think is supposed to be cheese. And, I don't know how, I even manage to eat it. All. Of. It. Aren't you proud of me? Because I am. Very proud.

But my euphoria doesn't last long, because Sebastian must walk into the room to destroy my happiness. I sigh, making sure he hears it. He grins.

"Tired of me already, sis? Well, then you're lucky, because you won't have to be around me for a few hours while you'll get your stuff. We'll let you go alone: You don't have to worry about us bothering you.

So, you are first going to your own house, the one with Jocelyn and Luke. After that, you'll go to the Lightwood's house. Good luck, sissy." He rises and leaves before I can respond.

Gah, I HATE it when he calls me his sister. I don't want to be his sister.

Eric stand up and turns to me. "Well, let's get your stuff, right?"

* * *

Sebastian was right. There were only a few things of mine lying in my own house. I got some clothes and toiletries, but more I couldn't find. So here I am, standing before the Lightwood's house.

About to enter and take my stuff.

Without anyone knowing.

Well, only me, Sebastian and Eric.

I walk towards the door and turn the knob. Locked. Of course.

I want to get out my stele and draw and unlock-rune, but then I remember that it is inside the house, with my stuff. So, there is one option left: Climbing.

I throw the small backpack I took with me over my shoulder and grab a low-hanging branch. I test if it can hold my weight and then pull myself up. Testing the strength of the tree before every new step, I make my way higher and higher.

After a few minutes, I am in front of Alec's open window. When I climb closer to it, I make a huge mistake. I look down.

The sudden height crushes down on me, my whole body remembering the fall of the cliff a week ago.

My arms start trembling and I know I must make it out of that tree before I fall.

With a few more steps I am right in front of Alec's room, and I enter before I can freak out more.

The room is messy, but one thing gets the attention: The glitter. It is clear Magnus comes here a lot.

I walk out of the room, because none of my stuff is here. In Isabelle's room are a few of my clothes, but then I have no excuse.

I have to go to Jace' room.

Standing in front of the door, I know that I must do this. I raise my hand, closing it around the knob. I turn it and step into my boyfriend's room.

The room was neat once, everything in place, nothing was messy.

That has changed.

The sheets of his bed are ruffled, clothes lie everywhere on the ground, his books are no longer in a neat line and most of his stuff is shattered on the ground. Everything is covered in a blanket of dust.

Only looking at the room breaks my heart.

One thing is neat, it stands perfectly and no spot of dust can be noticed on the frame.

It is a picture of Jace and me.

I remember when it was taken. It was our first anniversary. Jace took me out to a beautiful forest near Central Park. Without us knowing, Isabelle had followed us. We were regaining our breaths after a heavy make-out session when she suddenly snapped the picture.

Jace was furious, but I managed to calm him down. Isabelle went home, and our night was great. When we came home, Izzy showed us the picture. Even Jace had to admit it, it was a cute one. Our forehead touched, our eyes locked, his nose brushing mine, and it seemed like we were sharing one thought, just for us, that no one else in the world knows. I loved the picture.

We had two copies made of it, one for me and one for Jace. But because I was afraid I might lose mine, we decided Jace would keep it, since I was there most of the time.

And here it stands, right besides Jace' bed. It's the only thing in the chamber that looks clean, beautiful and treasured.

I remember where we placed mine: in his closet. I don't think he'll mind me taking it. He will never know it is me, anyway.

I get the photo and put it in my bag, making sure it can't get crippled. I get some books that are mine and a few other things.

As I want to leave, I see some of Jace' shirts lying on the ground. I get them up, and press my nose against them. They smell like Jace. He has worn them.

I hesitate, but not for long. I get all the shirts he's worn and stuff them into my bag. I don't care I Jace notices that his clothes are gone.

When I turn around to leave, I realize something else. This is my last time in this house. If I leave this place now, I'll never return here again. Not once in the rest of my life.

I let my bag fall to the floor as I rush into the bathroom and throw up. Every time I think it's over, I remember I have to say goodbye to this place and I start throwing up all over again. It keeps coming back until I'm sure my whole stomach is emptied.

It's silly, I know. It's just a house, a building, it shouldn't be so meaningful to me, right? Sadly, it is.

Finally, I stop throwing up. I get up, grab my bag and don't even bother to look behind me as I climb out of Alec's window. The height doesn't matter to me anymore. I feel nothing. Nothing but the dead feeling inside me.

I'm not sad because I have to leave. I'm not angry at Sebastian for making me do this. I'm not even disappointed with the life lying ahead of me.

I'm nothing.

 **Don't worry, the next chapter will be up sooner (I hope...).**

 **Anyway, what did you think? I'm not going to put a number of reviews here before wich I won't update. I really hate writers who do. But, I do like hearing what you thought. So, let me know?**

 **See you the next chapter!**


	3. The secret of the forest

**Hey, here I am again! Longer note at the bottom, now read!**

Heavily throwing up, I'm hanging above the toilet and trying to stop the nausea running through me.

For the third time this week.

It's been a week since I have been to the Lightwood's house, and I try my best not to think about it.

Sometimes, I can't help it. I can't help but miss Jace, Izzy, Simon, Magnus and even Alec. In my dreams I picture them at my fake funeral, crying and sobbing, while I am at their house stealing their stuff.

Well, technically I didn't steal their stuff, it already belonged to me. Still, I feel bad about it.

Have they noticed that the clothes are gone? Would Magnus see the small amount of glitter missing in his stock? Would Izzy see that there is some of my make-up missing? Would Jace see the smaller amount of shirts he has now?

Would Jace notice that one of our pictures was gone?

Could they guess that it was me?

Sebastian took everything from me. My home, my family, my friends, my boyfriend. My life.

All because he wants someone to join him. Not just someone, but Jace. My boyfriend.

Who thinks I'm dead.

I didn't notice until now that I'm crying. Hot, big tears make their way down my cheeks. I start to sob and have to lean back to the wall for support. My shoulders keep shaking, and I sink down to a sitting position.

Will I ever see Jace again? Will he ever know that I'm alive?

And if he ever will, will he be able to forgive me?

Regardless the pain it brings me, I have to know. I need answers.

I try to place myself in his situation. If I thought he was dead, and it suddenly became a lie, would I be able to forgive him if he knew about it?

I like to think that I would, but if I'm honest, I'm not so sure.

I have a feeling I don't know anything anymore: What I would do, what others would do, who others are to me.

I even don't know who I am anymore.

Am I Clary, Jace' girlfriend? Am I Clary, almost a part of the Lightwood family? Am I Clary, Valentine Morgenstern and Jocelyn Fairchild's only daughter? Am I Clary, sister of Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern, also known as Sebastian Verlac?

Or am I Clary, another toy in Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern's evil game?

I don't know.

* * *

 _The threes are standing close to each other, closer than you'd expect. The colorless leaves stop any light from entering the forest. The ground is covered in dead branches and a blanket of leaves._

 _All the threes are huge and more than a hundred years old. They are brown, but not the alive-brown you see sometimes. They are dull, lifeless and all seem to be either dead or dying._

 _Between all those threes, there is a small path leading into the forest. It is covered with dead leaves and branches and only visible if you know where to look._

 _The direction of the path is unclear. The only hint is the darkness in which it develops into the woods._

 _There is no life in the forest. No birds flying around and whistling, no squirrels searching the threes for food, no foxes or deers hiding behind the threes._

 _The forest is empty, dead._

 _It is dangerous._

 _It is how I feel._

My pencil moves faster and faster over the paper as I add more and more details to the drawing. The longer I draw, the faster my hand goes and the more real the scene looks. The forest is mysterious, and it seems dead. But a secret is kept in it. A secret no one knows. Not even I know yet.

But I know that I will know the secret. Once.

It could be tomorrow, it could be next year, it could be in a thousand years, when I have died here and am in another dimension.

But, once, I will know the secret.

After I finish the drawing, I continue to stare at it for a lot of time. I don't know how many time has passed since I was throwing up in the bathroom, but I know it must be a lot.

I wish I had a clock in here: I hate not knowing what the time is. The room has no windows, meaning I can't wach the sun and try to decide the time. Even if I could see the sun, I wouldn't be able to see that, but that aside.

I think it's still morning, but it could be late in the afternoon. I tend to forget about everyting around me when I draw, including the time.

I wonder what we will have for dinner tonight. I think it changes every evening, but I can't really see a difference. All the food we get is grey, soft and sticky. And sometimes it's a little bit sandy. The taste doesn't change at all, since none of the food has a taste.

I honestly wonder how someone can survive with only this as food.

Standing up, I walk to the door and lock it from the inside. I found out that that is possible a few days ago.

I realize that I feel tired. This is weird, because usually I can be up from seven am til eleven pm without getting tired.

And now, it's afternoon (I think) and I feel sleepy. So I do the only thing I want to: I lay down and drift off to sleep.

* * *

I wake up to heavy pounding on my door. "Clarissa Adele Morgenstern!" The voice of my dear brother sounds through the door.

"Ugh." I mumble, covering my head with a pillow.

"I know you're awake, now open this door!" He yells.

"Go away." I tell him, knowing he won't be able to hear me. But, according to his response, he can.

"I won't before you open this door, so you better will soon!" He empathises this with a few more pounds on the door.

Grumbling, I rise and unlock the door.

"Now, that's better." Sebastian smiles down at me. I scowl at him, but don't show him any other form of response.

He bargs into the room and sits down on the bed. Does really no one has respect for my privacy here?

"So, sweet sister, we need to talk." He tells me.

"About what?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"A few things." He responds .

"And what do these 'things' involve?"

"Let's start with breaking Jace' heart.

I immadiatly shut down, not wanting to say one word about this subject. "We already talked about that." I whisper.

"Oh yes, we did. But we didn't talk about the details." I swallow. There are more details? Can I stand to hear them?

"Look, there is this thing that will happen soon. I can't tell you what that is yet, but you will find out soon. And this thing... I'm not really happy about it in general, but I am happy with the effect this thing will have on my plan of breaking Jace."

"Why can't I know what this 'thing' is?" I want to know.

"Believe me, if you knew what it was, you wouldn't want to call it a 'thing'." He replies, still leaving me not having one idea what the fuck he's talking about.

"And why can't I know what it is?" I push.

"You will know soon." Sebastian repeats.

"When is soon?" I need answers, goddamnit!

"A few days, weeks maybe. I can't tell for sure. But believe me, you'll want to find out yourself. If I tell you know, you'll want to kill me in my sleep for spoiling the experience for you."

I throw my hands up in the air exasperated. "Can you stop talking in riddles?" I all but shout at the asshole.

"Why would I?" Sebastian asks, his smirk becoming even bigger.

In that moment, I really have to focus on not slapping him in the face. Or even better, punch him! On his nose, of course. The bastard would walk around with a broken nose for days. To be honest, I would enjoy that.

But, I don't know why, I don't. I just stand there, focusing on my breath, while I calm myself down and force me to relax.

As I look up at his' face, he is still smirking at me, wich is not really helping me to calm down.

"So, I suppose you have some quiestions. I won't be able to answer them all, but I will as much as possible."

I do have something. I just... Don't think that it is OK to talk about with your brother. It's.. not shaming, but... emberassing? Is it possible that those two are seperated?

As I am in thought, I can see Sebastian still looking at me, waiting for a resonse.

"Well, yes, but... Do I have to talk about it with you?"

"Yup." He says, sounding smug. "So, what do you need?"

"Uhm, well, I won't be needing it now. Well, I need it now, put I probably won't be needing it until a few days. But I need it now to be sure, you know, that when I need it I have it, so. If I don't have it on time, that isn't good, that is bad. Well, not life-threathening, you know, but... It would be bad, if you know what I mean. So, I need it now, but not until a few days, and-"

"Yes Clary, I understand. Can you cut the chase?" He sounds annoyed. Right now, when he finally shows some real emotion, I'm to emberassed to care.

"I need.. Uhm.."

"Just say it."

"Well, you k now, period stuff?" I manage to utter. I don't know if he heard it, but I think he has. I can feel the blood rushing to my head as I think of how he will react.

But he reacts different than I thought.

Suddenly, his booming laughter echo's through the small room. "Don't worry, sis, you won't be needing any of that. Not for a few months, anyway."

I raise my head and look at him in confusion. What the hell?

"Uhm, I need that stuff every month. There isn't a way to just stop it for a while, even through I wish there was."

He smirks. "There, you are wrong. There is a way to stop it for a few months. I don't have any control over it, but luckily it has already happend." With that, he walks out of the door.

Can he stop talking in riddles for a minute? I wonder silently while the door is being locked. And I wonder something else.

Does Sebastian know the secret of the forest?

 **Sorry for the short chapter, I just really wanted to post it. Please, take the time to review, I love them!**

 **By the way, I'm looking for a beta for this story. Would anyone like to help me? I really love checking beta profiles out.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope you forgive me for the short chapter. Things will soon get more interesting, I promise!**


	4. The horrible dreams

**Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. I'm not going to list all the reasons here, that only keeps you guys from reading this. I am really sorry through.**

 **Please read the note at the bottom.**

" _What is it?" I demand my brother._

 _No, don't judge me. Yes, I actually started referring to Sebastian as 'my brother' in my head. I'll never tell him, but somehow way, I do start to see him as family._

" _Now, Clarissa, could you please be more specific? What is what, if I may ask?"_

" _The secret." I spat. "What is it?"_

" _I'm sorry, dear sis, but I wouldn't know what secret you might be talking about. Could you enlighten me?"_

 _I take a step forward, coming closer to the bastard. "What is the secret of the forest?"_

 _He smirks, takes a few steps forward until we almost stand chest to chest, before he says: "I wouldn't know."_

Breathing heavily, I shoot upwards in my bed, taking in my surroundings.

I'm still in my room at the Pandetral. Pandetral is the name I've given this place. It's a mix of Pandemonium and Central. It's the central for demons, and the biggest and worst of them all is in this building: Sebastian.

I have no idea what the time is, but I do know that I won't be able to get to sleep anymore. I let my feet slip away under the blanket and stand up. I dress in the same clothes as yesterday, which are what the head color in Pandetral is. GREY.

Sorry, I just hate that color.

I'm not allowed to leave my room, except for breakfast and lunch. I have to eat dinner in my bedroom.

There's also a small bathroom attached to my room, with a toilet, sink and shower. There even lays a toothbrush and some toothpaste, one towel, that get cleaned once a week, and a few shampoo bottles. Everything is in the same color. I think you can guess which one.

I walk towards the sink to brush my teeth. After I've done that, I try to calm my hair a bit by brushing it with my hands. I think I'm the only woman here, since I've never seen any other female, and when I asked for a hairbrush a few days ago, Sebastian and his demons laughed at me and asked why.

Men just don't understand.

About that, I wonder if Sebastian is really so stupid he thinks that I won't get my period soon. Why can't he just give me the stuff I need? Is it too expensive, or something?

I walk back towards my bed and sit down with my sketchbook. The drawing comes immediately: First there are dots, they form lines, and then eyes. Next is the nose and then the mouth, hair and ears follow, a chin, and then the details and shadows.

Until I stare down at Jace.

He smiles up at me, and for a moment I actually believe that he's laughing at me, like he is asking me out for the evening. That is, until I realize he isn't real, that Jace isn't with me, and that I'm not anywhere near him. A tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly put the drawing away, hoping not to destroy it. I can now also see our picture form our one year-anniversary.

"I love you, Jace."

" _I love you too," A deep, smooth voice behind me says. I spin around, to be greeted with the most beautiful sight I've ever seen._

" _Jace." I breathe, and the next moment, I am in his arms._

" _Hey." He whispers in my ear. "I missed you."_

 _I smile in his shirt, and inhale deep. He smells good. He smells like Jace._

 _I love that smell._

 _He presses his nose into my hair, and inhales deeply as well. One of his arms leaves my waist, and he brings it up to stroke my cheek with it._

 _I nuzzle my face into his palm, and he brings my chin up, so I can look into his golden eyes. They seem to sparkle, like they always do when he looks at me._

" _I love the look." He informs me smirking._

 _I look at him dumbfounded. "What look?"_

" _That look as if you are a thousand miles away with your mind. I hope you were thinking about me?" He releases the full power of his eyes on me, and I can barely form an incoherent sentence._

" _I'm always thinking about you." The words come out strangled, and I'm surprised he even understands what I'm saying._

 _Jace leans in close to my ear, and exhales into that sensitive spot next to it, "Good." He quickly plants a kiss there, and then he pulls back before I can react._

 _I pull of my saddest pout and look at him with my best puppy dog-eyes. Jace raises one eyebrow, as if to ask 'What?', but before he can, I've pulled him down to my level and pressed my lips to his._

* * *

I hate dreaming.

There was a time I used to like it. As my childhood, living with only my mother, I used to fantasize a lot. I pictured how our lives would look like if my father was alive. Sometimes I imagined weird battles between the bad, monsters with creepy eyes and teeth, and the good, fairy's and angels. Little did I know back then that those fantasies would become true one day.

Most of the battles and creatures I imagined I all drew. I had a special sketchbook for the fantasy world I used to live in the most. I'd spend while afternoons just drawing them. I loved it. I could create my whole own world and stories there.

Only later I realized that all my dreams were of things I wanted. Things I wanted to have, or wanted to do. All my dreams were of my wishes.

Now, all the dreams I had as a child have come true. I'm part of the good side, the angels, and I fight the bad side, the demons, and I'm a hero. I've met fairy's, vampires, werewolves. Not that I'm too happy with that.

And now that they've all disappeared, new dreams came. Dreams of being with Jace, dreams of being a part of the Lightwood family. You could say that those wishes have come true, but just for a while. I became a part of the Lightwoods, until I got ripped away from them. I am, or have been, together with Jace, until Sebastian made him believe I'm dead.

Now I've started to hate dreams.

They never come true anymore, not for real. I've been separated of Jace for about two weeks now, and I've been having dreams about him more and more frequently.

The past few days, more people have started to leak into my nightly adventures. First Isabelle appeared, later Magnus joined, and I've seen Alec once now as well. When I'm lonely in my room, I daydream about my mother and Luke. Besides wondering how they are handling the situation, I wonder how they'd react if I'd ever see them again and tell them what happened. Would they forgive me? Or hate me for the rest of their days?

I've wondered about it tons of times, and will wonder about it a thousand times more. I know it won't have any effect, but my brains can't seem to listen. Something I also worry often about is if they dream about me. Does Jace miss me? Does he lay on his bed for hours, wondering how I am, just as I do? I'd like to say that I want Jace to be happy and to move on, but I know it's a lie.

Don't get me wrong, I really want Jace to be happy. I'd give almost everything up for him to live a good life. Almost. Because if it would mean he'd be with someone else, I'd be heartbroken.

I wouldn't stop him from being with someone other than me, if it made him happy. But that doesn't mean I'd be okay with it.

I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to live if I knew Jace didn't love me. Even though I miss him badly now, I can cope with it because I know he cares about me. It is horrible not knowing how he is, but in one way I'm glad.

Now I don't know if he moved on. I won't know if he finds someone else. I won't know if he marries another girl. I won't know if he had a child with another.

I won't know if he starts a family without me.

And I won't be so heartbroken.

Hopefully.

I gasp for breath as a cramp forms in my belly. I gently massage it with my hands until the pain disappears. I regonise that cramp: My period.

Damn Sebastian, I need period stuff! Like, right now!

I walk toward the bathroom and sit down on the closed toilet seat. "I hate you, Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern."

As the pains calm down, I walk back towards my bed, just to spend minutes staring at my pile of books, until one particular one gets my attention. _Twilight: Breaking Dawn_. The book where Edward and Bella get married and Bella gets-

….Pregnant.

"No." I whisper, shaking my head. "No."

Sebastian says my period won't be there this month. Several months, even, said. There is something that can cause your period to stop for a while: Pregnancy.

Those cramps, are they… Am I carrying a baby?

Was that the secret of the forest?

Am I pregnant?

Oh god, no, no, this is not happening! I'm not pregnant!

How am I going to deal with this? How am I going to raise a child on my own? How am I going to raise a child without Jace?

Jace… He won't know! That is what Sebastian was talking about!

He wants me to raise this baby, and then reveal it to Jace.

Reveal that my death was fake, that I had his child, without Jace knowing.

Would he even tell Jace it wasn't my fault?

 **So, what did you think? Most of you already guessed, but maybe there are some people who didn't. Now, there are a few things I want to ask you, and let me know your opinions in the reviews, please.**

 **I was thinking about changing the title of this story to 'The secret of the forest'. Do you think that would be a good idea, or should I leave it 'My daughter Jacelyn?'**

 **And, I kind of already know the answer, but do you guys want outtakes in Jace' POV? I've made a poll on my profile, so if you want to, let me know of who you want to know their thoughts during this story, or even multiple characters.**


	5. The meeting with Jenna

**Hey guys, fist of all: I have a beta!**

 **Her penname is Morgenstern128 and she's awesome! I got inspiration for this chapter from her and she helped me out really well. I love you, and thanks for wanting to help me!**

 **And thanks to all the people who favourited, followed or reviewed!**

 **Now, enjoy the chapter!**

I can't believe it. I can't be pregnant, can I? And if I am, how the hell did Sebastian know? Does he have some kind of weird, invisible machine with which he can sense when a woman is pregnant?

Okay, I think I listen to Simon too much.

It's not really clear what Sebastian is planning, but I think I have quite an idea.

First, the things I know:

I know that Sebastian said that I probably would see Jace again, once.

I know that Sebastian wants to break Jace through me.

I know that if Sebastian wants to break Jace through me, he will probably want to use our child as well.

And, I know that Sebastian is an asshole.

I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think that I have quite a few ideas what he might be planning.

I think that it will involve telling Jace that it was my plan, that I didn't want to be with him and faked my own death. Maybe he'll say the child isn't Jace's, or that he or she is's and I didn't want to tell him.

Maybe he'll wait for years, and then tell the Lightwoods I did it all not to have to live with them anymore.

Or maybe Sebastian will just tell them the plain truth: That he poisoned me, held me captive and when I discovered I was pregnant, he just kept me here?

Or am I just imagining things?

I really wish I knew.

* * *

 _The trees seem less dark this time, like they are happier. Dead leaves and branches still lie on the ground, but they aren't as disturbing anymore._

 _While the trees were grey in color the last time I saw them, now they are more like a dull brown, seeming more alive. There are still a few leaves hanging, and they are a soft green color, instead of brown._

 _A soft breeze whistles through them, and they move with it softly._

 _The path that was once there is now clearer, with some sand lying on it and some leaves that almost seem green._

 _Animals are still nowhere to be seen._

 _The forest still looks sad and dull, but now it's not dead anymore. There are colors, a breeze, and the crinkling sound of leaves and branches is heard. The forest moves._

 _But that is not the biggest change that happened to this place._

 _The path, that led to darkness before, is now cleared up somewhat, and a little bundle is laid in the middle of it. It's impossible to see what is lying in the bundle of something that seems like a blanket. All that is visible is the light, golden and angel-alike light, that comes from the silhouette lying in the blankets._

 _Just as I want to go closer to get a better look, a piercing cry pulls me from the dream._

The sketchbook falls to my feet. The scream had sounded so real, so close, that I need to take a moment in order to breathe normally again.

I drew the forest, but now I knew it's secret and I changed the style of the drawing.

But that cry… it sounded so much like… a baby's?

* * *

My door slams open and Sebastian barges into my room uninvited.

"Come on, you're coming with me." He grabs my arm and pulls me along behind him.

"Hey!" I shout, elbowing him in his chest, succeeding in making him release my arm. "What the hell? Where are we going?" I demanded.

"To the doctor." He simply states, grabbing my elbow again and walking through the corridors.

I don't bother saying anything, or pulling my arm from his gasp, because I know it won't have any effect.

After taking a few turns through the grey halls, we arrive in a room with, prepare yourself, WHITE WALLS! Yes, believe it or not (because I hardly can), these walls aren't the grey you see everywhere in Pandetral.

In a chair in the corner of the room a man inaround his fifties looks at me strangely. He has high cheekbones, a sharp, pointy nose and dull, grey eyes.

Just when I thought I could maybe escape grey and dull for a while.

"Ah, Dr. Dewitt. Good to see you could come here early. Well, see you later, sis." And with that he just turns around and walks out of the room, closing the door with a thud.

An awkward silence follows, until Dr. Dewitt breaks it.

"So, Clary - Can I call you Clary? - Please sit down," He says, pointing to the half chair-half bed in the middle of the chamber.

I nod, not trusting my voice to say something without stuttering.

I softly sit down on the torture chair (what I've started to call it in my head).

"So, you are pregnant, right?" He asks, rolling his chair closer to me.

"Yes," I whisper, "I am."

"And how far along are you?"

"I don't know," I say. "Isn't that why I was supposed to come here?"

Dr. Dewitt chuckles softly.

"I suppose it is, of course."

"Will you be able to know if it's a boy or girl yet?" The doctor smiles.

"No, I won't yet. Do you want to know?"

I think about that for a moment.

"No."

"Okay, well, let's get started then, right?"

I nod, not really sure how to respond. I have no idea what is going to happen now; I have never been in this kind of situation before.

The doctor did a lot of things, checked my blood pressure I believe, and things like that. And after a while, he just said, "Go back to your room."

I knew better than to try to argue.

* * *

A soft knock sounds on my door. "Hello?" A young woman's voice asks. "Can I come in?"

Uhm… "Of course?" It's more a question than an answer, but I am not used to hearing questions asked to me here. Usually just orders.

The person opens the door slowly and peeks around it.

I can now see her face: She has piercing silver eyes, with stern eyebrows, and lips set in a tight line. The raven black hair surrounding her face reminds me of Izzy. , and my heart clenches.

She slips inside the room and closes the door behind her, trying to subtly study my face, just as I just did with her.

"I'm sorry if I'm being rude asking this, but who are you?" I try not to sound to harsh, since she seems a little bit overwhelmed and unsure of herself.

"No, it's fine, Miss. Morgenstern, and I'm Jenna. Sebastian sent me."

"I'm Clary, but I think you already knew."

She nods. "Is it true that you are… pregnant?" She asks. "Oh god, forgive me, Miss, that was rude. I- "

"No, it wasn't," I assure her. "It's fine. Yes, it's true. And please, don't call me that."

She smiles softly. "I'm afraid I have to, Miss. Morgenstern."

"Isn't there any way you can call me Clary? And why did Sebastian send you here?"

"I believe he said 'To help her', not that I know what he meant with it. And I think I can call you differently if you prefer, Clary?" She says my name softly, trying it out. I nod. "So," she says, sitting down next to me on the bed, "What shall we do?"

I look at her dubiously. "You do realize where we are, right?"

Jenna nods enthusiastically. I'm kind of shocked by this sudden change of character. "I do, indeed. But we can make the best of it, can't we?" She grabs my arm, not like Sebastian did before, but gentle and friendly.

"Wait, where are we going?"

Jenna stands still to look at me. "We are going outside. Come on," She stated.

 _Outside._ I haven't been outside for ages.

Before I can protest, she has pulled me out of the door and through the hall. We go left, right, up, down, and after a long journey through the Pandetral, we arrive at big, huge double door, like the ones outside the Institute. Another clench. I think it's unnecessary to say what color they are.

And then we're outside.

I've had the feeling something was missing, all that time I was inside my room, but now that I'm standing under the clear blue sky and finally breathing fresh air I realize what it was.

I barely have time to look at the grey outside of Pandetral, before Jenna- I hadn't realized she was still here- has pulled me along, and then we are running. I run as fast as my short legs can carry me, and slowly, even though she's taller than me, I get past Jenna. I don't stop: It's been so long since I felt the wind through my hair, the soft chill of a breeze on my face. I even missed the cold temperature.

After a while, I slow down. In front of me, I can see a huge fence. It's insanely high, and I think it's all around here as a barrier from the outside, keeping people out, and me in.

Jenna catches up with me. "Jesus, how fast are you?" She asks, her breathing ragged.

I don't answer her, but ask a question on my own. "Where are we? Like, still in New York? The U.S. even?"

Jenna looks at me for a long time, making me antsy. Then, just as I want to say something, she responds: "No one knows."

 **So guys, how was that? Hope you enjoyed!**

 **I want to ask you again, if you like this story, to check out the poll on my profile and vote. I want to write outtakes, but I do need a few more votes for who before I can do that!**

 **By the way, I decided to change the title of this story to 'The Secret of The Forest'. I will do that in a few hours, but I thought that I'd first let people hear it before I change the title unexpectedly.**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	6. The Pandetral city

**Here I am again!**

 **Shoutout to my beta Morgenstern128, just because she is awesome!**

 **This chapter has some time skips in it, we are going to fly through a few months of Clary's pregnancy, and we get some information on the Pandetral!**

 **Now, enjoy the story!**

Ten weeks into pregnancy  
After having been outside for almost two hours with Jenna, the sun started to go down and we went inside. Currently we're sitting in the dining room, eating the grey stuff. Believe it or not, I kind of have gotten used to the weird looking food.  
"So, Clary, tell me a bit about yourself."  
"What do you want to know?"  
Jenna takes another bite of food as she thinks. "Why don't you tell me about the father of your kid? What is he like? Handsome? Eye candy, or actually nice?"  
For the first time in days I am able to truly smile at the thought of my boyfriend. "All of the above. His name is Jace, and he is, like, the perfect human being. He is incredibly handsome, and knows that himself. He's very arrogant, but that makes him even more beautiful, in my opinion."  
Jenna eagerly leans forward. "Come on! Details! I want details! What does he look like?"  
I lean forward, actually liking the girl talk we are having. Not that I'd ever admit it, though. "He is a Golden God. Literally. His hair is curly, and falls around the height of his shoulders. It's blonde, but in sunshine it looks like truly shimmering gold. He has the kind of hair you yearn for to run your hands through all day.  
His skin is so soft and smooth, and it looks perfect. It sparkles sometimes, and it gives him even more of a gold look.  
His face is perfect. And God, did I tell you about his eyes? They are gold. But they change sometimes. Jace barely lets anyone in, he's very closed off, but you can see in his eyes how he feels about someone. If he cares about you, they sparkle and shine when he sees you. However, if he doesn't like or even hates you, the gold almost seems like steel. And, only with me, it would look as if his eyes had molten. The gold would be soft, and caring, sweet, just perfect."  
"Sweet Jesus." Jenna breathes. "I want to meet this man."  
I smile softly. "I hope you do one day. You really look like his sister, Isabelle. She is my best friend."  
"So that's why you looked as if you'd seen a ghost when I came into your room!"  
I nod sheepishly. "Yeah, it is."  
"So, what is the rest of his body like? Particularly in some… special areas, if you get what I mean. Sorry for the nagging, but I really want to know."  
"No, it's fine.  
He is so tall. Well, compared to me, everyone is. And well, in that certain area, he is… Large. As in, really large." I don't know how I am able to talk to Jenna about this. I never talked to anyone about these things, and I met her just a few hours ago!  
Jenna giggles. "I want to experience that."  
I fake glare at her. "You stay away from my man!"  
"Don't worry, I won't go after him."  
I smile softly. "Jace is just… perfect."  
Jenna smiles back. "I bet he is."

* * *

Twelve weeks into pregnancy

 _The forest holds life inside, it's happy, healthy, and an amazing place to take a walk, as I'm doing right now. I've never seen the other side of the trees before.  
I've seen the entrance of the forest before, together with the beginning of the path. But now, I can actually follow the road to a spot in the middle of the trees.  
There is a meadow, with green grass, colorful flowers, and bright sunlight. The mix of the soft breeze and the singing of birds make beautiful music around me.  
There is one other sound, one I've heard before.  
A baby's cry.  
But instead of last time, it doesn't scare me now. In fact, it calms me.  
I walk toward the little white bundle that seems to be the cause of the sound. I crouch down next to it, as the crying softly stops. I pull the blanket covering the child's face away, so I can look in the eyes of the tiny human.  
It's a beautiful kid. Red hair, with a few beautiful golden strands through it. The eyes match those strands, and makes them stand out even more. Soft, chubby cheeks, a tiny forehead, and a cute little nose. The hands, of course, are inhumanly small, with tiny fingers.  
The baby is so cute!  
As I look closer, I see that it's a girl.  
_I come back out of my drawing world and look at the last three last drawings I made. The first one is of the front of the forest that I've drawn before, but more colorful. The second one is of the meadow, and the third one is incredibly detailed of the girl I saw.  
She looks like me, and Jace. This is our daughter.  
In that moment, I don't doubt that my little baby I'm carrying is a girl. Jace and I are going to have a little baby girl.  
Our daughter.

* * *

Fourteen weeks into pregnancy  
"Hey, Jenna?"  
"What's wrong?" Jenna asks, popping her head around the corner.  
"How am I actually going to give birth round here? Do they have a special room for pregnant woman in the Pandetral?"  
She grins. "I actually asked Sebastian just yesterday. He looked scared: He hadn't thought about it yet. You should've seen him sweating."  
I grin at the thought, and then bite my lip.  
"What's wrong?"  
I sigh. "I-… I just wish Jace would be here."  
"I understand, honey."  
Jenna walks towards my bed and sits down next to me. "I just… I want to know how he's doing. If he misses me. If he moved on. Maybe he's already had tons of girlfriends while I've been 'dead'."  
"Hey." She forces me to look at her. "If this Jace is really so perfect as you described him, he wouldn't do that. You said he was a manwhore before he met you. If you had such an effect on him that he changed, I don't think he'll ever change back."  
"You don't know." I whisper.  
Suddenly, Jenna stands up. "No, I don't. I don't know your Jace. I don't know how you felt about each other. But I do know that sulking around won't help you. So, maybe you should suck it up and do something else than sitting here and drawing. It's not healthy for the baby, you know."  
The last part gets my attention.  
"What do you suggest?"  
"Something fun."  
New page  
Apparently, 'something fun', is shopping in Jenna's opinion. She really is the doppelganger of Izzy.  
We go to tons of shops, buying clothes and toys for the baby, bigger shirts and pants for me, and some things to decorate my room with.  
I discovered something new today.  
Pandetral is an entire city, complete with adults, kids, and older people. All Shadowhunters. The city even has an Institute, school, pool and shopping mall. Where me and Jenna are now.  
The city is filled with all Sebastian's followers. They can live here, make plans, and just continue their normal life in this town. They never have to leave this place, so they can't be found and are safe from the rest of the Shadowhunters. No one can leave, and no one has any idea where we are exactly.  
"Jen, please, can we take a break?" I beg for the fifth time.  
She finally grumbles her defeat. "Fine."  
We sit down in a cute booth next to a shoes shop. "This place is kind of big, but there are never sales around here. I really hate that." She complains.  
A silence falls, and for a few minutes we just comfortably sit there. "Can you guys never leave this place?"  
Jenna shakes her head. "No. A lot of people have tried after Sebastian started tuning worse and worse. But there are guards before, on and after the fence. If you can get past them, which is practically impossible, you still have to pass the landmines and electricity on the fence. Only Sebastian knows exactly where they are places: Most guards don't even have any idea.  
When you've passed the fence, I think it is days of walking before you reach humans. For that time you need water and food, but you can't just steal it. Everyone has a number, and you get a portion of food a day. You can't get more, and if you try, they can track your number, and you get punished. No one has ever tried to escape and survived."  
I gulp. "What kind of punishments do they have?"  
Jenna shrugs. "That depends on how bad your deed was. They have a whip, starvation, complete isolation from humans for a period of time, or death. The last one's Sebastian's favorite. He hands it out whenever he can."  
I stare forward, thinking of all those poor people. "I hate Sebastian."  
Jenna smiles at me sweetly. "We all do."

* * *

Sixteen weeks into pregnancy  
"You do realize that in a month you'll be able to know if you're having a girl or a boy, right?"  
"I already told you, I know it's a girl."  
"How can you be so sure?"  
"Call it a mother's intuition."  
There is a knock on the door and Sebastian enters. "I want to interrupt for a moment, ladies. I think I have some good news for you."  
Jenna raises an eyebrow, and I frown at him. "What is it?"  
"Well, a family recently moved from their apartment to a bigger place, near the pool. Their apartment is now empty."  
"So?"  
"So, Jenna, I thought, that maybe I could give you and my sister your own house. It has two bedrooms, and can be decorated correctly for a baby to live there."  
"What?" I ask. "You are offering us a place to live? Away from this hellhole?"  
"You'll still be in this city, but yes, you will be away from this 'hellhole', as you so delicately put it, dear sister."  
Jenna looks at me excitedly.  
I realize what this means. Being able to go outside when I want to, to eat what I want, to do what I want.  
I suddenly have a strong urge to hug Sebastian. But I don't, because he is still to evil for that.  
"I'll leave you two ladies." He says with a nod, and leaves the room.  
For a few moments Jenna and I look at each other, before running to pack our bags.  
Finally, we are going away from here.

 **So, did you like the chapter? Please review and tell me if you do!**

 **And, I'm going to ask this tons of times, but if you haven't yet, could you go and vote on the poll on my profile? It's about which character POV's you want to read an outtake on, and I would really appreciate it if you'd take the time.**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading the chapter, and see you next time!**

 **Bye!**


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